One of the many reasons I never imagined having kids, was that I didn't want to bear the brunt of childrearing alone. It wasn't until my husband Matthew came along, that I could even fathom what it would be like to truly have a supportive partner. He not only hopped on, but held on, and continues to pull his weight in our relationship.
I don't know if it was society, personal experience, or the media that put this notion in my head, but as a millennial, the gender role examples I had growing up never truly depicted equality. However, now that I have been through a 41 week pregnancy and nearly 6 months of parenting, I know that there is indeed, another way of existing where both partners within a relationship pull equal weight both during pregnancy, as parents, at work, and in life.
My reality has led to our assertion that becoming an "involved dad*" or a "supportive partner" isn't just a role that begins at birth—it starts during pregnancy.
Matthew had to teach me how to change a diaper...
And guess what? We're not the only ones who believe this.
We're witnessing a transformative era in parenting where Dads are increasingly expected to step up and share in the responsibilities of nurturing a growing family. Employers are beginning to recognize this shift by implementing paternal and parental leave policies, while social media platforms like TikTok are flooded with heartfelt "involved dad" videos, reshaping societal expectations of fatherhood.
Research consistently shows that dad involvement in prenatal care can significantly impact outcomes—from reducing mortality rates to supporting maternal mental health in the postpartum period.
For moms-to-be, the journey into motherhood often begins the moment they discover they're expecting. From that point onward, they carry not only the physical weight of pregnancy but also the mental and emotional toll it entails. Despite strides towards sharing the load, the reality persists that moms often start being the “default parent” during pregnancy.
This begs the question: why aren't we emphasizing more on how non-birthing partners can actively support mothers during pregnancy?
My pregnancy journey began during an avalanche of life-changing events to include motorcycle accidents, major surgery, marriage, layoffs, an unexpected discharge from active duty, living out of the bed of a truck, and a one-way ticket to Denmark...and...you get the point. Throughout all of this, Matthew anchored his life on being the most supportive partner to me in order to facilitate a healthy pregnancy. It became his new mission.
However, we soon realized that there was no guidebook for him, nor was there anything out there that would lay out all the things that I could or should lean on him for.
Can't see anything below my bellybutton?
Oh well, guess I won't be shaving anymore.
Confused about what the Midwife said?
I'll poll my friends and do a Reddit deep-dive until my eyes bleed.
Everyone and their mother annoying the living snot out of me asking whether or not I've had my baby yet?
I'll throw my phone out a window.
Regardless of who we asked, what books we read or what podcasts we listened to, we realized that there was a glaring gap in resources specifically tailored for expectant fathers. Specifically, a support guide that wasn't 500 pages long...because who the heck has time for that?
Thankfully I made the best choice (for me) in choosing Matthew to be my life partner, because he proactively immersed himself fully in every aspect of my pregnancy from cooking nutritious meals and planning fun getaways, to advocating for me to my healthcare providers and fielding the in-laws. He spent well over 10,000 hours researching, applying, documenting and improving his "Shanon support tactics", which has since turned into a practical guide for all expecting dads/partners, called: The Partner's Purpose During Pregnancy.
Having gone through this experience, and realizing the lack of support for new dads who want to be involved, Matthew's new mission is to educate Dads and empower Moms during their pregnancy in order to improve maternal and paternal mental health in the perinatal period. His book, "The Partner's Purpose During Pregnancy," distills his firsthand experiences into 33 actionable insights. It's designed to be a quick, accessible read–which is what the TikTok generation needs.
Being an involved dad isn't just about stepping up after birth—it's about embracing the journey alongside your partner from the very beginning. As societal expectations evolve, so too must our support systems for expectant fathers, ensuring they have the tools and encouragement needed to be truly present partners from the moment pregnancy begins.
Help us get this in the hands of people who need it the most, and show your support by purchasing and reviewing this on Amazon (as we're working towards a more extended distribution).
'Till the next nap
S
*P.S. As I annotated in the Foreward of "The Partner's Purpose During Pregnancy", this book is not gender exclusive. These recommendations are applicable across the board and are concise and practical enough to be tailored and adjusted to any family/relationship dynamic.
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